I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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