i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
