ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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