I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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