Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
