dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
