so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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