my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
