I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
