I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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