so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
