CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
