I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
