just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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