Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My hand turned me down
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
