pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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