It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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