I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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