She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
