Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
