I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
