I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
