I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
