thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
