I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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