Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who died my cat blue again?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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