I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
