Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
