new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
