Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
