Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
