My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
