the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
