If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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