I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i think my cat just said my name.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
