he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sobbing to NWA
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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