i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
