Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
