god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
