im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's the barista slut.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
