How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
