We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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