You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
