i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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