is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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