I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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