he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
