I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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