Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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