careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
