if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
