I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
