Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
