im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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