Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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