doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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