Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
