Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize