someone threw a dead crab at me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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