walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if i died would you start the facebook group?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
