All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize