She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
