i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
