you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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