I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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