Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
