Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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