There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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